The Good Ship Calibar

Come all ye dry land sail-i-ars
And listen to my song
It’s only forty verses
And I won’t detain you’s long
It’s all about the adventures
Of this old Lisburn tar
Who sailed as man before the mast
On the good ship Calibar

Now the Calibar was a spanking craft
Pitch bottomed for and aft
Her helm, it stuck out far behind
And her wheel was a great big shaft
With half a gale to fill her sail
She’d do a knot an hour
She’s the fastest craft on the Lagan Canal
And she’s only one horse power

Now, the captain was a strapping lad
And he stood just four foot two
His eyes was red and his nose was green
And his cheeks was a prussian blue
He wore a leather medal
That he won in the Crimea War
And the captain’s wife was the passenger cook
On the good ship Calibar

Now, the captain say to me “Me lad
Look here, me lad” says he
“Would you’s like to be a sail-i-ar
And sail the raging sea?
Would you’s like to be a sail-i-ar
On foreign seas to roll
For we’re under orders from Portadown
With a half a ton of coal”

It was early next morning
The weather it being sublime
When passing under the old Queen’s Bridge
We heard the Albert’s chime
When going along the gaswork straits
A very dangerous part
We ran ahole on a lump of coal
That wasn’t marked down on the chart

Then all became cunfuse-i-en
And the stormy winds did blow
The bos’n slipped on an orange peel
Fell into the hold below
“Put on more speed” the captain cried
“For we are sorely pressed”
But the engineer from the bank replied
“The horse is doing his best”

Then we all fell into the water
And we all let out a roar
There was a farmer standing there
And he threw us the end of his galloses
And he pulled us all ashore
No more I’ll be a sail-i-ar or sail the raging main
And the next time I go to Portadown
I’ll go by the bloody train