The Old Alarm Clock


When first I came to London
In the year of thirty nine
The city looked so wonderful
And the girls were so divine
But the coppers got suspicious
And they soon gave me the knock
I was charged with being the owner
Of an old alarm clock

Oh next morning down by Barber street
I caused no little stir
The IRA were busy
And the telephones did burr
Said the judge “I’m going to charge you
With the possession of this machine
And I’m also going to charge you
With the wearing of the green”

Now says I to him “Your honor
If you’ll give me half a chance
I’ll show you how me small machine
Can make the peelers dance
It ticks away politely
Till you get an awful shock
And it ticks away the gelignite
In me old alarm clock”

Said the judge “Now listen here, my man
And I’ll tell you of our plan
For you and all your countrymen
I do not give a damn
The only time you’ll take is mine
Ten years in Dartmoor dock
And you can count it by the ticking
Of your old alarm clock

Now this lonely Dartmoor prison
Would put many in the jigs
The cell it isn’t pretty
And it isn’t very big
Sure I’d long ago have left the place
If I had only got
Ah, me couple of sticks of gelignite
And me old alarm clock