Quote from admin on February 10, 2007, 12:44 pm

Hi,

Maybe it's more than you need!? But here are a "few" versions which I found.

cheers

Pete

Seven Old Ladies 1

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies got locked in the lavat'ry
They were there from Sunday 'till Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first to come in was the minister's daughter
(The first was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter)
She went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
And nobody knew she was there

The next to come in was dear Mrs. Mason
The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin
And that is the water that I washed my face in
And nobody knew she was there

The third old lady was Amelia Garpickle
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle
She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel
And nobody knew she was there

The fourth to come was old Mrs. Humphrey
She shifted and jiggled to get herself comfy
Then to her dismay, she could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there

The fifth to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper
She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper
She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper
And nobody knew she was there

The sixth old lady was Emily Clancy
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there

The seventh old lady was Elizabeth Bender
She went there to repair a broken suspender
(But how in the world she got a suspender)
It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender
(Caught up in the site of the feminine gender)
And nobody knew she was there
( I 'aven't the slightest idea)

The janitor came in the early morning
He opened the door without any warning
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning
And nobody knew they were there

alt:
The __ old lady was Abigail Quimm
Who crossed her legs on a personal whim
But her thigh got caught twixt the bowl and the rim
And nobody knew she was there

Seven Old Ladies 2

Cho: Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Seven old ladies locked in the lavat'ry
They were there from Sunday till Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first old lady was old Mrs. Flynn
She prided herself on being quite thin
But when she sat down, the poor dear fell in
Nobody knew she was there

The second old lady was old Mrs. Humphrey
She twisted and turned until she got comfy
But when she was through, she could not get her bum free
Nobody knew she was there

The third old lady was old Mrs. Hart
Every two minutes, to the toilet she'd dart.
But when she got there, all she did was read
Nobody knew she was there

The fourth old lady was old Mrs. Moore
She was drunk as skunk when she came through the door
The seats were all full so she peed on the floor
Nobody knew she was there

The fifth old lady was old Mrs. Brewster
She don't get around any more like she usedter
When she sat down she said somebody goosed her
Nobody knew I was there

The sixth old lady was old Mrs. Bender
When she sat down she snapped a suspender
It hit her in the feminine gender
Nobody knew she was there

The seventh old lady was old Mrs. Mason
She came in and peed in the basin
That's the water I washed my face in
Nobody knew I was there

Seven Old Ladies 3

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavat'ry
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

They said they were going to have tea with the Vicar
They went in together, they thought it was quicker
But the lavat'ry door was a bit of a sticker
And the Vicar had tea all alone

The first was the wife of a Deacon in Dover
And though she was known as a bit of a rover
She liked it so much she thought she'd stay over
And nobody knew she was there

The next old lady was old Mrs Bickle
She found herself in a desperate pickle
Shut in a pay booth, she hadn't a nickel
And nobody knew she was there

The next was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
Who went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
And nobody knew she was there

The next old lady was Abigail Humphrey
Who settled inside to make herself comfy
And then she found out she could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there

The next old lady was Elizabeth Spender
Who was doing all right 'till a vagrant suspender
Got all twisted up in her feminine gender
And nobody knew she was there

The last was a lady named Jennifer Trim
She only sat down on a personal whim
But somehow got pinched 'tween the cup and the brim
And nobody knew she was there

But another old lady was Mrs McBligh
She went in to sip from a bottle of rye
She slipped through the seat and fell in with a cry
And nobody knew she was there

The janitor[1] came in early one morning
He opened the door without any warning
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning
And nobody knew they were there

[1] UK versions say 'caretaker' in place of 'janitor'

-- Variant verses:

The -th was the wife of a deacon in Dover
And thought she was known as a bit of a rover
She went to relieve a slight pressure of water
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Mrs McNicholl
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle
She hurdled the door she'd forgotten her nickel
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Lizabeth Biddle
She went in there, she needed to piddle
She slipped in the pan right up to her middle
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Rosemary Madder
She went in feeling something was the matter
But when she got there it was only her bladder
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Hildegard Foyle
She hadn't been living according to Hoyle
Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Julia Porter
She was the Deacon of Dorchester's daughter
Went to relieve a slight pressure of water
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Eleanor Slaughter
She was the Mayor of Bayswater's daughter
Went in to jill off and nobody caught her
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Emily Clancy
She went in there 'cause something tickled her fancy
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there

The -th was called Elizabeth Liszt
Went in with a bottle and soon was pissed
Tried to sit down but got stuck when she missed
And nobody knew she was there

But another old lady was Mrs McBligh
Went in with a bottle to booze on the sly
She jumped on the seat and fell in with a cry
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Elizabeth Spender,
She went in there to repair a suspender,
It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender,
And nobody knew she was there.

The -th was a lady named Lillian Pym
Went there to scratch at the spots on her quim
She somehow got stuck 'tween the seat and the rim
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Janet McGrew
She'd eaten senna and needed to poo
The cheeks of her bottom got wedged in the loo
And nobody knew she was there

Another old lady was Marjorie Stump
Went to the toilet, she needed to dump
The door must have jammed when she gave it a bump
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Emily Shaw
Known to the rest as a bit of a whore
Went for a squat, couldn't open the door
And nobody knew she was there

The -th old lady was Monica Fitz
Suffered from cramping and chronic colicks
Went to the loo with a case of the shits
And nobody knew she was there

-- Schoolyard version

Oh dear what can the matter be?
Three old ladies locked in the lavat'ry
They've been there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first was called Elizabeth Porter
Went there to get rid of some unwanted water
The second was called Elizabeth Humphrey
Who sat in the lav and couldn't get her bum free
The third was called Elizabeth List
Went in with a bottle and came out pissed

-- also:

Oh dear what can the matter be?
Three old ladies tied to the apple-tree
One escaped, the others stopped there till Saturday
Oh dear what can the matter be?

-- Seven old gentlemen (oh dear what can the matter be)
-- Tune: Oh Dear What Can The Matter Be
-- Male version of Seven Old Ladies/Six Old Ladies/Three Old Ladies

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old gentlemen locked in the lavat'ry
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

They said they were going to have tea with the Vicar
They went in together, they thought it was quicker
But the lavat'ry door was a bit of a sticker
And the Vicar had tea all alone

The first was the sailor who'd come up from Dover
And though he was known as a bit of a rover
He liked it so much he thought he'd stay over
And nobody knew he was there

The next old gentleman was Mr Bickle
He found himself in a desperate pickle
Shut in a pay booth, he hadn't a nickel
And nobody knew he was there

The next old chap was Timothy Humphrey
Who settled inside to make himself comfy
And then he found out he could not get her bum free
And nobody knew he was there

The next old chappie was Anthony Spender
Who was doing all right until his sock suspender
Snapped and tangled and damaged his gender
And nobody knew he was there

Another old gent was called Marmaduke Biddle
He went in there cos he needed to piddle
He slipped in the pan right up to her middle
And nobody knew he was there

The last was a gent known only as Tim
He only sat down on a personal whim
But somehow got pinched 'tween the cup and the brim
And nobody knew he was there

But another old gentleman, Freddy McBligh
He went in to sip from a bottle of rye
He slipped through the seat and fell in with a cry
And nobody knew he was there

The janitor[1] came in early one morning
He opened the door without any warning
The seven old menfolk their seats were adorning
And nobody knew they were there

[1] UK versions say 'caretaker' in place of 'janitor'

-- Variant verses:

The -th old chappie was Mr McNicholl
His urge was sincere, his reaction was fickle,
He hurdled the door he'd forgotten his nickel
And nobody knew he was there

The -th old bloke was called Sam-u-el Madder
He went in feeling something was the matter
He'd had some trouble with stones in his bladder
And nobody knew he was there

The -th old bloke was named Percival Foyle
He hadn't been living according to Hoyle
Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil
And nobody knew he was there

The -th old man he was Wilberforce Clancy
He went in there 'cause something tickled his fancy
But when he got there it was ants in his pantsy
And nobody knew he was there

The -th old man was Cornelius Liszt
Went in with a bottle and soon he was pissed
Tried to sit down but got stuck when he missed
And nobody knew he was there

The -th old fellow was Mr McBligh
Went in with a bottle to booze on the sly
He jumped on the seat and fell in with a cry
And nobody knew he was there

The -th was a fellow named Cameron Dick
Went there to scratch at the spots on his prick
Slid into the pan and was soon in a fix
And nobody knew he was there.

The -th old gentlemen Barney McGrew
He'd drunk too much real ale and needed to poo
The cheeks of his bottom got wedged in the loo
And nobody knew he was there

Another old gent there was Antony Stump
Went to the toilet, he needed to dump
The door must have jammed when he gave it a bump
And nobody knew he was there

The -th old fellow was Joshua Shaw
Known to the rest as a bit of a bore
Went for a squat, couldn't open the door
And nobody knew he was there

The -th old fellow was Brian O'Fitz
Suffered from cramping and chronic colicks
Went to the loo with a bad case of shits
And nobody knew he was there